Just a chick trying to figure out life. These are my confessions.

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So there I am! Living it up in my 30-somethings with a ridiculously hot hubby, 3 seriously outgoing matter-of-fact smart beautiful kids, a cat named Roxii that just won't quit, 2 chihuahuas named Lokii (what was I thinking) and Brodii who don't understand the concept of pee outside.

I'm a strongly opinionated, outspoken, inappropriate and absolutely unapologetic chick going through this thing called life and trying to do it with my sanity intact. So far, this isn't working out so well!

Follow me as I confession myself straight to the LCBO. My rants, my way...you've been warned ;) Xo

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Skinny Cow on a Mission

Well, it's not like this is some huge news flash. My name is Traci and I am a cow!

Once upon a time, in a terrible relationship far far away, an average late teenaged girl was told by her then boyfriend "if you ever get fat I'll leave you". After many of failed attempts to get rid of said boyfriend a lightbulb went off in my head...get fat!!! After numerous bags of chips, chocolate bars, cream filled anything, I did it. I managed to get fat. Things were looking up! Ok well most of my "things" were looking down, but you get the idea.

So I'm walkin' around all shits and giggles. Queen LaTraci was finally going to get rid of some baggage right?


That son of a bitch lied to me!!! I am was so naive. So there I was clockin' a good 160-170mph and still not single. Now I was miserable AND fat. Fabulous.

For those of you bitches reading this right now and saying to yourself "Omg, like, 160 is sooooo not fat" -- shut your holes. Why? Cause you are probably a nice 5'8" or more. My Sasquatch ass is 5'1"...on a great shoe wearing day!!! 160 on you looks like buttercream deliciousness, but on a 5'1" it doesn't look like that at all. I look like the someone plugged my holes, blew into my mouth and blew me the fuck up, no joke.

Fast forward a couple years and I get pregnant and put on an additional 30ish lbs, pop out a kid, my body takes on a whole new form -- they call this 'comfortable', and away I go spending my time being all about the babe, and very little about me. I think it was at this point that I forgot what makeup and nice clothes were. I live for pj's and sweatshirts now! :)

Post baby #1 I manage to lose 20 of the 30 I put on...and I somehow manage to maintain the shit right out of that...right up until babe #2. I gain 20lbs this time around and post babe lose the 20lbs (yay me!). Move ahead a little more time we are pregnant with #3 and get engaged (yes I am ass backwards, blame Canada) and voila babe #3 shows up wayyyyyyyyyyy too early (grounded for life Z) so I believe I had only gained 15/16lbs by the time she came.

With babe 3 out, yadda yadda yadda we get a head start on this whole thing they call weight "loss" because I don't wanna be a cow squeezin into a nice white dress come Sept. I started the trek at the end of February and by end of August was down 26lbs. Party like a rockstar, yup, that's what I did...right up until August 31st and some dick runs a red light and smashes up my van, complete with Roger, his cousin, J and I in the car.

Soooo I'm told no gym. NO GYM!!! I was going 5-6 days a week, rockin out the weights, I was lookin smokin (only 9lbs from goal) and they want me to STOP?!?!?!?

Yup, as soon as I had that excuse to not go, I then became ridiculously depressed, and over the course of 3 years (this brings us up until this moment in time right now) I have not only put the 26lbs back ON -- but they apparently were feeling a little lonely and brought friends so that 26 is more like 38!!!

Not only am I depressed, now I'm self conscious, sloth like, miserable, moody and a list of other things, but now I don't get out of my pj's or sweatshirts for fear that someone will see the ACTUAL shape of my body.

Have I had it? Hmmm. I hope so. Am I doing anything about it? Welllllll funny you should ask. I have actually picked up my Turbo Fire discs for the first time in a serious way in about a year.

What is Turbo Fire?

"TurboFire® is the intense new cardio conditioning program from fitness innovator Chalene Johnson. She'll help you get leaner with exercises that burn up to 9x more fat than regular cardio does. And with more than 20 smoking-hot music remixes, TurboFire will pick you up and push you past your limits."

That is what Turbo Fire is. And why is this important? Cause my fat ass is now on a mission. If I burn 9x's more fat than regular cardio, that means I should get to my ideal 9x's quicker. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I completed Day 1 today, I'm logging my food on Sparkpeople (LOOOOOVE this site) and we'll see what happens. I'll share a grotesque number with you. 52.4. That's my number. That's what I need to lose. Imagine 52.4lbs on a 5'1" over and above what my ideal weight should be...yup. So suck it.

What's your number?